On occasion the reality hits me that I have a five and three (almost four) year old. Man, where has it gone? I can recall countless nights of interrupted sleep, thousands of diaper changes, meals made, dishes cleaned, all of the duties of a mom or caregiver. Every now and again I realize that I've forgotten about many of the stages from baby to toddler to preschooler. Instead of remembering the daily tasks, the thoughts I want to remember and dwell on most are the times of enjoying each other and playing with my boys – the on-the-knees times, wearing out the jeans times– with a single focus uninterrupted by thoughts of needing to do something or be somewhere else, the days of having nothing to do except be with each other and explore a world so new and exciting to them, the teachable moments that come only from immersing and engaging oneself in the throws that come with loving a young child, often trying and testing and more patience building than imaginable.
As much as I'd prefer times of relaxed play, the house still needs to be cared for (especially after two moves last year), laundry and dishes cleaned and on. There is typically a constant tug-o-war going on in my heart over what to do first.
My Grandma always had a clean house. I lived with her for two years. Dishes were never left in the sink, pots and pans were always shined, sheets were ironed, laundry precisely hung. I distinctly remember a phone conversation she and I had years later when Gabe and Will were babies. She told me to forget the dishes and just get on the ground and play with them. She said the dishes and house can wait. These conversations were refreshing to me (at first I had to ask myself if she really had just said what she did) and since she passed away a few years ago, her words are even more refreshing in a deeper way now. They have gained importance and a deeper meaning over the years, especially during the times when my house is messy and I feel like a failure for not having it all together, whatever that means.
I think of her nearly every day (ironically as of this last fall I live just four blocks from her old little bungalow house). Many of the household chores / methods she taught me make more sense now than then, and mostly – and thankfully – her words ring in my ears about enjoying the present reality of playing with my boys. Not great for my house, but so good for my soul, especially when I realize that raising my two little guys really and truly is going so fast.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Parenting: Brilliant Time Out Discovery
Ah! I just had a great discovery about time outs: If I designate my sons' time out location in the kitchen near the sink, I can do the dishes while the offender is in time out. This is great for two reason: (1) I keep myself distracted from them and the frustrating situation, and (2) do something productive with my energy and desire to control the situation... instead of trying to control them. Perhaps once the dishes are finished, I'll move the time out stool next to the pile of clothes that need to be folded.
Gabe's Prayer
11.21.10 // 6:45 AM
Jon is off at work, and the boys and I have had a great time hanging out in the kitchen this morning: Will on the counter eating a breakfast snack and Gabe standing on the stool up against the counter making brown rice and sunbutter cracker sandwiches.
It was a peaceful time of me having a few minutes to get the dishes done while staying engaged with the boys.
Gabe was finished and cleaning up then went to the bathroom to wash his hands before wanting to work on his Lego plane. He came back to the kitchen after washing his hands and told me that before he washed his hands he was "just praying to God." He folded his hands as he talked about praying.
I was intrigued by this as only a few times before has he mentioned praying on his own, independent of nudging or routine. I asked him what he prayed about and he said he had already sent his message up to God and that it was gone now. Ah, this kid is amazing.
I was really curious what he was praying about so I asked again using different words about what he said in his message and after a couple of tries, this was his prayer:
"Thank you God, that Ninevah is not a bad city any more."
The reason I love this prayer is because it shows Gabe's heart and the thoughts consuming his precious mind. We haven't read stories from the Bible in a few days and clearly the stories have run through Gabe's head several times since. Gabe's concern over Ninevah and the choices the people there were making shows that he wants people to make good choices and that he has a desire for others to experience God's grace when bad choices are made. He wants good and he wants love to prevail. This simple prayer gives me a sense that there is a seed in Gabe to become a global citizen in caring for other people and cities. Gabe has had previous conversations with us about how everyone needs to be loved and how he has a lot of work to do to tell everyone in the whole world that they are loved. I am curious to see where life takes this little guy and where he takes life.
Of course, I am his mom, and it is possible that I'm reading a little too much into this situation. But I also believe that a mom knows her child's heart and is able to see into it with a keen awareness – for the harsh or exciting reality – more so than an average observer.
Jon is off at work, and the boys and I have had a great time hanging out in the kitchen this morning: Will on the counter eating a breakfast snack and Gabe standing on the stool up against the counter making brown rice and sunbutter cracker sandwiches.
It was a peaceful time of me having a few minutes to get the dishes done while staying engaged with the boys.
Gabe was finished and cleaning up then went to the bathroom to wash his hands before wanting to work on his Lego plane. He came back to the kitchen after washing his hands and told me that before he washed his hands he was "just praying to God." He folded his hands as he talked about praying.
I was intrigued by this as only a few times before has he mentioned praying on his own, independent of nudging or routine. I asked him what he prayed about and he said he had already sent his message up to God and that it was gone now. Ah, this kid is amazing.
I was really curious what he was praying about so I asked again using different words about what he said in his message and after a couple of tries, this was his prayer:
"Thank you God, that Ninevah is not a bad city any more."
The reason I love this prayer is because it shows Gabe's heart and the thoughts consuming his precious mind. We haven't read stories from the Bible in a few days and clearly the stories have run through Gabe's head several times since. Gabe's concern over Ninevah and the choices the people there were making shows that he wants people to make good choices and that he has a desire for others to experience God's grace when bad choices are made. He wants good and he wants love to prevail. This simple prayer gives me a sense that there is a seed in Gabe to become a global citizen in caring for other people and cities. Gabe has had previous conversations with us about how everyone needs to be loved and how he has a lot of work to do to tell everyone in the whole world that they are loved. I am curious to see where life takes this little guy and where he takes life.
Of course, I am his mom, and it is possible that I'm reading a little too much into this situation. But I also believe that a mom knows her child's heart and is able to see into it with a keen awareness – for the harsh or exciting reality – more so than an average observer.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tuckered out
Will was already asleep tonight across the room, and I was tucking Gabe in. We were nearly finished, and I asked him if he had any roses or thorns (a little game we play) to share about our day. (In all honesty, I was stalling because I just wanted to enjoy the moment of peace after our earlier moments of unmanageable behavior while brushing teeth). Gabe responded with his eyes half closed: We can't talk about that right now. We can talk about that tomorrow. Good night, with a fluctuation in his voice while pronouncing an extra syllable in the word night that suggested I leave him alone because he just wanted to go to sleep. It made me laugh inside as my mind perceived the interaction as a hint for what might lie ahead in the adolescent years. One more sweet kiss and I left the room with two sleeping boys.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
A new frontier
Well, the time has finally come: We are transitioning to a no-napping household. Gabe no longer needs a nap – which I have finally accepted and embraced as of yesterday – and, well, I'm still oscillating on what to do about Will. His behavior often tells me that he needs a nap, but he has been resisting, so the jury is still out on how it'll all go down. I'll note that Gabe will be 5 in less than a month and Will is 3.5, so they've really done remarkably well at napping up until this point. And I will say I've been quite intentional about wearing off their energy so they would sleep during the day.
I have been dreading this transition despite my many older and wiser friends assuring me that it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. I was leery of my friends' opinions, and so I have to say, it hasn't been nearly as bad as I anticipated! After all, both Gabe and Will were asleep by the time I left their room at 7.15 PM. In fact as I was rocking Gabe, he told me that he was done rocking and needed to go to bed because he was tired!
I'm a creature of habit and love a good routine so the fact that their sleep routine has been hairy as of late (hard to get them to nap, later bed times with routines full of resistance to sleep, night wakings), is not what I consider fun. I like to know that they're going to sleep at a given time every day so that I can organize my time and count on my expectations of what is going to happen and when. (I know I sound very rigid, and I've come a long way toward embracing flexibility.) So the fact that my boys are back to going to bed early and on regiment is fantastic for my heart and knowing that I have an extra hour back into my night! ...Though I know that will disappear at some point as well.
For me, the number one lesson in parenting is that kids cannot be controlled. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to remind myself daily that my role was not to keep my kids under control, but instead view my role as managing them. ...But that is another topic.
On a more practical note, both boys will definitely still have a quiet time in their room alone by themselves for about an hour. Gabe has transitioned beautifully because of our routine; For the last few months, while I was putting Will down for a nap in the boys' bedrooms, I would have Gabe keep himself busy in my and Jon's bedroom (where he napped) with worksheets, coloring or reading and such. He enjoyed this independent time as part of his nap-time routine and so now he's already used to going in our bedroom and keeping himself busy in a constructive way.
It's been a challenge to teach the boys to sleep and prioritize the rest of two little dudes that are 15 months apart. Yet, it's definitely been well worth the journey both to me and my character (patience and perserverance!) as well as an asset to their well being.
I've been rather obsessed with keeping my boys well rested because it truly means for a much happier child and family! So if I can share thoughts or nitty gritty details of keeping energetic children close in age on a sleep schedule, by all means, ask, because I'd love to pass on what I've learned.
I have been dreading this transition despite my many older and wiser friends assuring me that it wasn't as bad as they thought it would be. I was leery of my friends' opinions, and so I have to say, it hasn't been nearly as bad as I anticipated! After all, both Gabe and Will were asleep by the time I left their room at 7.15 PM. In fact as I was rocking Gabe, he told me that he was done rocking and needed to go to bed because he was tired!
I'm a creature of habit and love a good routine so the fact that their sleep routine has been hairy as of late (hard to get them to nap, later bed times with routines full of resistance to sleep, night wakings), is not what I consider fun. I like to know that they're going to sleep at a given time every day so that I can organize my time and count on my expectations of what is going to happen and when. (I know I sound very rigid, and I've come a long way toward embracing flexibility.) So the fact that my boys are back to going to bed early and on regiment is fantastic for my heart and knowing that I have an extra hour back into my night! ...Though I know that will disappear at some point as well.
For me, the number one lesson in parenting is that kids cannot be controlled. It took me a long time to realize that I needed to remind myself daily that my role was not to keep my kids under control, but instead view my role as managing them. ...But that is another topic.
On a more practical note, both boys will definitely still have a quiet time in their room alone by themselves for about an hour. Gabe has transitioned beautifully because of our routine; For the last few months, while I was putting Will down for a nap in the boys' bedrooms, I would have Gabe keep himself busy in my and Jon's bedroom (where he napped) with worksheets, coloring or reading and such. He enjoyed this independent time as part of his nap-time routine and so now he's already used to going in our bedroom and keeping himself busy in a constructive way.
It's been a challenge to teach the boys to sleep and prioritize the rest of two little dudes that are 15 months apart. Yet, it's definitely been well worth the journey both to me and my character (patience and perserverance!) as well as an asset to their well being.
I've been rather obsessed with keeping my boys well rested because it truly means for a much happier child and family! So if I can share thoughts or nitty gritty details of keeping energetic children close in age on a sleep schedule, by all means, ask, because I'd love to pass on what I've learned.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Yuck. Avoid corn sugar!
O Little Town of Bethlehem
I am becoming more aware of the crisis between Israel and Palestine. Recently I watched a film called O Little Town of Bethlehem and went to a screening of the film.
In the film an Israeli Jew, Palestinian Christian and Palestinian Muslim shed light on the issue in an effort to spread word of the situation. The three men featured in the film support non-violence and hope that equality for both people can be met through a peaceful solution.
Sami, one of the men featured in the film was also at the screening. He was compared to being the Martin Luther King of Palestine. Yanatan, another of the three men in the film, is feature in this article. The event mentioned in this news story was happening while I was watching the film.
My heart and prayers go out to him and his family. I wish there was something tangible I could do to help.
My hope is that we can all become more aware of this situation in the Middle East and that the media can cover news in this region in a truthful, unbiased manner. I highly recommend watching O Little Town of Bethlehem if you're interested in the situation between Israel and Palestine.
Jon will be going to the two countries next month.
In the film an Israeli Jew, Palestinian Christian and Palestinian Muslim shed light on the issue in an effort to spread word of the situation. The three men featured in the film support non-violence and hope that equality for both people can be met through a peaceful solution.
Sami, one of the men featured in the film was also at the screening. He was compared to being the Martin Luther King of Palestine. Yanatan, another of the three men in the film, is feature in this article. The event mentioned in this news story was happening while I was watching the film.
My heart and prayers go out to him and his family. I wish there was something tangible I could do to help.
My hope is that we can all become more aware of this situation in the Middle East and that the media can cover news in this region in a truthful, unbiased manner. I highly recommend watching O Little Town of Bethlehem if you're interested in the situation between Israel and Palestine.
Jon will be going to the two countries next month.
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